With each passing day I check my email, than my spam, than my trash looking for the email from my father saying, "today I can see you" and each day nothing appears.
It's only been 10 days since he said he wanted to see me. I think to myself, should I have added a timeline to this attempt at reconciliation? What is an appropriate amount of time? A week, a month, a year?
If he called me or emailed me and said, "you matter to me, can you drive 2 and 1/2 hours to meet me and we can discuss our differences, I would probably do it within a day"
It takes me to a narrative of, "you matter to me, just as soon as nothing else matters more and I find myself with an empty slot of time, it's all yours"
It's easy to know when you are loved. When you are loved, people make time for you, or at the very least they offer to meet you halfway, or they send an update to let you know they are working on making it happen.
So now, he'll either at some future date make an attempt or our paths will cross at the next family event. What shall I say or do at that time.
I love all the little quotes that say things like, "like go or be dragged" and that sure is what it feels like. But the rope is not linear, it's more of a web, and it's impossible to let go of one end of the rope while your still connected to the other lines.
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