He came wanting to hash out a few difficulties from the past. Held fast to his position that Global Warming is a liberal hoax and his position is that is fact. Furthermore, for anyone to be upset by that fact is irrational. He mocked that I referred to my political beliefs as "believes" and "values" and didn't understand my analogy that making fun of the kind of underwear he wears as being equivalent to being made fun of for thinking climate change is a serious issue.
And included in all of that, he said he loved me. He said he wanted to be part of my children's lives. He said he wanted to do nice things for me and didn't know how. And these things are good.
It also got into a few accusations about what I have and haven't done for others. I remember at one point I said to him, "I'm not focusing on all of that, I'm just trying to figure out if you and I can have a relationship at all and I'm trying to figure out what that relationship will be"
So within this it came out that his wife felt that I slighted her at church. That she thinks my goal is to break up their family. So I thought about it after we parted and since my intention was never to cause anyone any bad feelings by going to the church event, I sent her a very sincere apology to that effect and blind copied my dad.
He later called to thank me for what he called a classy email and asked if I would send her a letter asking to have a woman-to-woman chat. That was yesterday and I told him I would think about it.
So here are my rambling thoughts for anyone out there trying to decide if they want to be reunited with a long lost family.
Why does it have to be about the family, why can't it be just about the individual relationships first?
Why does there always have to be these accusations of me trying to break up a family? As if I haven't got better things to do.
Why is the family members who were supposedly brought up with a loving and giving family expect the person who didn't to be the one to always extend the olive branch.
The truth is I get angry at myself when I try to extend the olive branch. I feel a sense of shame for putting my heart on my sleeve only to leave it out there hanging. I feel angry at the accusations that I am trying to break up a family.
So I'm not going to be sending any letters. I may instead invite him to send the same type of letter to my husband or my children. Or I may do nothing at all and just try to go back to the other areas of my life that are not so conflicted.
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