I think of Facebook the way the Justin's Dad from Shitmydadsays says about weddings.
"Invite them. A wedding is a loaded gun. Don't be the asshole staring down the barrel asking which button makes the boom noise."
So with that I sent my dad a Facebook invite. And we had some back and forths on the whole merits of this course of actions. And with that, I felt like I found my voice. This is what I told him.
Hello Dad,
The "melt-down" came when a post was made about the delicate issue of finding a birth parent. So to that effect, I would offer that if you want to offer advice to someone that has struggled with the issue of whether or not to find a birth parent, you ask someone that had to deal with that issue on a very personal level how they feel about it.
Please don't criticize how I handle things that cause me to feel un-loved, criticized or otherwise ostracized. I have been my worst critic in this regard and I will not be made to feel bad again for having a negative emotion to an incredibly taxing situation.
I know it's incredibly difficult to understand my perspective and I don't expect you to. I do need the freedom to respond in the most appropriate matter I have at my disposal at that time. I can assure you that my response will at times be less than a complete transference of the principles of love, and I can also assure you that beyond that I will keep trying. It is the fact that I keep trying that I keep making mistakes. I could choose to never respond, never reach out and instead throw myself into my work, home repair, parenting, charitable events or a million other distractions.
If this position causes you to feel uncomfortable "friending" me on Facebook, I completely appreciate that and there will be no bad feelings because of it.
I will also offer that one area I have been struggling with is the holidays. I was very hurt last Christmas. I tried very hard to show love at a time of year that is supposed to be about love and with the exception of a just a few, I felt very little reciprocated while posts of loved ones floated across the screen of fun times at Dad's house playing Christmas games.
What am I to do? Ask others to downplay their joy? Whine about not being included? Every option except to just pretend I'm invincible to the effects of isolation only subject me to ridicule for not being perfect or subject those I love to feel bad about something they have no control over.
This year, I will hide from Christmas. I will suspend my Facebook account Mid-November. And with the exception for those that thought of me last Christmas, I will not buy gifts or send cards. When 2014 rolls in, I will return to trying to find my place in the family but I just can't do that at Christmas time.
So with these disclosures that I am not perfect and that Facebook is a barbed-wire web of communications and I will come and go on that forum as I feel I need to; I cannot do anything but to offer a friend request and let the receiver decide if they are willing to be part of someone's life that is not perfect.
Again, no hard feelings either way. I'm just doing what I feel I need to do and I understand that you are doing the same in return.
With love,"
I hope the roar that I have found doesn't leave me.
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