I was moved by my father's recent email so I sent him a note letting him know I'd welcome a chance to get together next time he was in town. Some back and forth and he said he would make it a priority to see me as soon as he can. That was almost a week ago.
Funny how all the insecurities set in again. I know why we hate, it's so much more comfortable than risking love only to be rejected again. It's so much easier to put up a wall and accuse someone of being awful rather than admit that you care and risk feeling foolish.
I wonder if my siblings feel that way about me? Do they wonder if I will reject them? Or is this a perspective that is only possible because of my inherent insecurities. Does one ever have enough love? enough security? or all we all born with some amount of insecurity that we can never shake off.
My father sent me a package via a sister recently. It frustrated me because when he does something nice it is in the presence of others, when it's a mean letter, he uses the post office. The package was a life story about his mother. He asked me two days ago in an email if I had read it. I felt like my response was conditioned upon his decision to invest time in a visit. We shall see.
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