Growing Up Fatherless

Created with Haiku Deck, the free presentation app for iPad

I grew up not knowing who my father was or anything about him. I didn't even learn his name until I was 19 years old. When I found him, he kept me a secret from his 7 other biological children by convincing me that all I would ever mean to them would be heartbreak. I broke though that horrible message and found a love I never dreamed of, this is that story in Haiku Deck fashion.

The Haiku story is meant to be simple.  There are many layers of complexity in my story.  There have been many different responses by my half-siblings; from being completely ignored, to be called a liar and compared to a thief in the night, to being loved, to being miss-understood and so on and so on.

This Haiku isn't meant to diminish the love of some of my other sisters, it's just that the actions of one sister have stood out and in choosing to wanting to end this Haiku Deck on a positive note, I choose to share her actions as a beacon of hope for other kids born to illegitimate parents. 

My story was filled with heartache, as yours may or may not be.  But if you feel it's worth the risk, than there is hope that you can be accepted and loved by a biological family member out there who doesn't know you exist yet. 

I am not a lie and I certainly am not "illegitimate"

It's been a while since I posted any thoughts.  Mostly because things with my dad have only gotten worse and I was hoping they would get better.  Well, they didn't. 

The pinnacle of this disaster love story is a package he recently sent me, a very childish package.  He called me names, inferred I was an idiot because I believe in climate change and those were the nice parts of the letter.

The most infuriating was he decided once again to explain to me how difficult it is for his wife to meet "the lie".  How can a person refer to their own child as a "lie"?  

Why is it that society sticks those of us conceived by black hearted cheaters get the life long labels?  I am so sick of it, I'm not a lie?  

Illegitimate, why we have forbidden every prehistoric dark age label. We don't use the N word, the R word is on its way out, we have respectable names for members of the LGBT community, we don't go around calling victims of human trafficking horrible names.  But if you are conceived by a man who lies to your mother, who lies to his wife, who lies to the authorities and than lies to his other children and every soul he comes across, you still get the rotten label of illegitimate? A lie? A secret-love child? Or a bastard?

I don't think so, the only person who should be called a lie is a my father, yet he calls me a lie. 

I made a post earlier saying I thought I loved my father, I'd like to retract that post at this time.  My father is a horrible person who refers to his own child as a "lie".  I hope I never see him again.