Went to the doctor for a physical the other day. I personally don't like going to the doctor and so I don't do it very often.
That being said, as I sat in the waiting room filling out the typical paperwork of family history I came across the section for my father's family history and for the first time in my life I was able to write more than a giant question mark.
Wow, this is huge I think to myself. And than as I complete the information I realize that I know just as much of my my paternal medical history as I do my maternal medical history, which is to say, it's not a lot.
The truth of the matter is that it was a medical scare that prompted the whole issue with me wanting my dad to come clean. Years ago, a doctor said to me, it would be helpful if we could determine your complete family medical history. And I said, well I could ask that guy that I think is my father what his medical history is. And so I did.
Now it was at this time, I expected Mr. Dad guy to come out and be a little bolder. After-all, I didn't know if he was my dad or not, he never said he was and I was too chicken to just come out and ask. So I composed an email. It said something like this: "Dear _____________, I have a serious medical concern and need to know what my medical history is. Could you please ask around if anyone in your family has ______________."
What I expected in return was something like this: "Dear ___________________, this is serious indeed and you should probably know that I don't think I am your father so I cannot mislead you by saying something different"
What I got was this: "Dear ________________, I asked around and nothing like that in the family. So sorry to hear and hope you get better."
To which I thought, and excuse my language here, "what the f*#!???" I was tired of the vagueness and the chicken approach. This was my life and now I had a serious concern and still this man produced nothing tangible for me to wrap my head around. Enough was enough. So I asked for a paternity test and was told instead we needed to talk and he asked me to call him at some sleazy hotel the following weekend, gross gross gross. OK, it wasn't exactly a sleazy hotel, it was a normal hotel, like a Travel-lodge or something of the sort, but it annoyed me and irritated me to no end that I was regulated to calling him at a hotel. I was not his mistress and I didn't appreciate being reminded of that fact that he needed to keep me hidden.
Well, I am getting off point here. The fact is I didn't call him at that hotel and therefore I didn't get the paternity test I requested and things took an entirely different turn and I will tell you about that in future posts. The post today is about finding out your medical history.
The reality is that when I did get my hands on my complete family history, it didn't solve any riddles or problems. The doctors wrote down what I knew on the little clipboard and than ordered a 100 more test like they always do. (In my business we call this up-selling but that too is a different topic)
The point here is that you are entitled to your medical history. Science is revealing the importance of a medical history and therefore, why should one person have access to theirs and not another? If it matters, it matters and that's the end of the story.
Now this is a loaded statement because it affects both domestic and international adoptions and abandoned children and anonymous sperm donation all as the same. And the good-hearted mothers and fathers that choose adoption have my respect and admiration and I don't ever want to advocate a position that impedes on the adoption process because adoptions are right and good by nature.
Also I want to share that my medical history didn't really solve anything. So it matters, but if you can't find yours, that's okay too. The medical history is just an attempt to find a clue to what might ail you, but as I learned, that by itself it doesn't answer any questions or solve any medical mysterious.
If you've read previous posts than you know my reunion with my paternal family hasn't been exactly a warm homecoming. It's been an agonizing experience that I would hesitate to recommend for anyone. But it was a necessary experience and if you are facing this choice, I will tell you that I am grateful this experience is now in my past. I am also grateful I had the patience and composure of a 35 year old woman and with the benefit of hindsight, I can acknowledge that I was much too insecure at any time prior in my life to willingly go into such a negative experience.
And I am grateful that the question mark is no longer part of my medical history.
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